Wednesday, November 25, 2009

An Experiment

*The Mono-logic Conve-rant

Superego: So you’re just going to sit there with tears in your eyes? What’s wrong with you? Bitch! Feeling sorry for yourself – once again!? Act your age! Act like a mature adult – not 30 going on 16! So, he’s unavailable. Deal with it!

Ego: Oh be quiet! What does it mean to act mature? I’ve to be cynical and selfish? Is that it? I’ve go against my personal morals? Yes, the positive persona may be the only side of myself I wish to show. Why? ‘Cause if I showed the: “Fuck-You” bitch side, I’m probably never gonna hear the end of it! It’d be like: “Oh my dear, do you see how much she has changed?” / “She must not be psychologically sound!” / “It’s because she didn’t have an emotionally available father figure when she was growing up… so she doesn’t know how to have a proper relationship!”

‘Cause being “normal” to most everyone else probably means not showing any emotion what so ever. Just be passive-aggressive.

Well I’m not into that shit!

When I have a feeling, an emotion – for the most part I’d show it. And if I want to sit and cry my eyes out; or go get dressed in latex with a whip and go dominate some insipid fool, who’s just an obnoxious chauvinist to women in his office – well, so be it. I’d do it – ‘cause that my prerogative!

Superego: Ha-ha, who do you think you’re fooling Ms. “look-at-me-I’m-Sandra-Dee?” Whips and latex. Yeah right…

Ego: Oh shut up! Let me finish! I know life’s not fair. I never expected it to be. Because if it was, then a lot of what “is” – won’t be. But do you know that humans are the only living beings that can “choose” to be mean and hurtful to others? If that’s what you get for having higher brain function, well – I think I’d much rather be an animal.

Superego: Huh! You’re only saying that. You like “being human.” You like the fact that you can have pleasurable sex and not just procreative sex. That you can be intelligent and learned, and sweet and cynical, and feminine and brash and opinionated and adventurous… and know it! That you can give your life meaning and purpose and not just “live”.

Ego: Yes, but there’s no escaping the fact that, even with all that. Even with knowing all that – love, or the lack thereof, hurts. As the song goes “Nobody wants to be lonely.”

Superego: Yeah well, you needn’t feel lonely, chica. You got me – Ms. 16 going on 30. I brought you this far (in life) and I’m gonna take you even farther.

Ego: Yeah, sometimes that’s what I’m afraid of.

Id: Hey, what about what I need…

Superego and Ego: Quiet kid! And stop whining. You “want” too much.

©2009 & 2011 (ad infinitum)  

* Monologue / Logical / Conversation / Rant.

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